Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
