when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize