I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm just crazy horny about you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
