everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
