So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize