i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
