I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i dont even know how to be here
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
