Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i came on her dog
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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