He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
