Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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