found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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