I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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