she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
