She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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