It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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