I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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