I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
