Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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