just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize