When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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