Can i not drive my cunt home
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
