3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
