he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
