Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize