Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
