woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
