Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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