I can tuck mytits in my pants
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Operation Purity has been aborted
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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