toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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