Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
