i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
