11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
no you cant smoke seaweed
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
