I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
