dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
