I wish they made helmets for livers.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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