This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
