I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
