jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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