Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
