life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
