Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
where are my eyebrows?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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