Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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