Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
