I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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