my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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