Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
