I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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