Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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