Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
