she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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