i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
