So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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