I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
