You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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