Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
