Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
