And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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