just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i out mim tonsoeep
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