you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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