Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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