i think my tv is drunk
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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