just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
