Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
