I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize