hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is it penis luge time yet?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
