You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
