All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
