I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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