Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
